The High Road

I think one of the biggest signs that I’m growing up is how I deal with arguments. Up until last year I had a serious anger problem and in any kind of fight, big or small I’d just fucking lose it and say things I shouldn’t whether I meant them or not. This would obviously lead to a lot of hurt feelings and really only made the situation worse. I’d always get into scraps with other fellas on a night out or whatever over nothing and there would be very few nights where something didn’t happen. Its not a great way to live, having that much anger inside you. It built up over a number of years and got really bad last year but now this year its all changed 🙂

Obviously I still get angry, I mean people are always gonna piss me off but I don’t lose it as easily as last year. I’ve figured out that losing it and saying all the shit you feel does absolutely fuck all and you might be angry as fuck which means you’ve a lot of not “nice” things to say, but really wheres that gonna get ya? The other person is just gonna be furious and might retaliate with a worse comeback and make you angrier and angrier and its just a downward spiral until someone says something or does something unforgivable out of anger. Who wins in that situation? No one. Its really hard to hold back in that situation I know.. but if its not a verbal fight then write out what you would LOVE to say to them down to the last word and then fucking delete that shit because its not going to change anything its only gonna make matters worse. The best solution is to take the high road. Simply reply with “okay” or “I understand” or whatever works for the situation and fucking leave it. Who in their right mind likes fighting anyway? Its the biggest waste of time in my opinion and its time you should be spending making the right person happy, yourself.

If you are constantly arguing with someone you will understand how draining and fucking annoying it is like fucking change the record no hahaha?

Nobody needs that in their life so just don’t rise to the occasion, if they keep aggravating you just walk away and leave them to be angry, and I of all people know how hard that is to do because everyone knows I never shut up or let things go but part of growing up is learning to do that. You might hate the person and you probably want to to hurt them, so you think that telling them that you hate them etc or knowing they are sad is gonna make you feel somewhat better, yeah it will for a few minutes, but then no.

If you’re anything like me you will regret what you said immediately. I don’t have it in me to be heartless and a lot of people would probably call me a cunt and yeah I can say mean things but when I do that I feel really bad and I think about it for ages and not once in my life have I ever felt yeah I’m so glad I said that I’m glad I made them cry and hurt them as much as they hurt me, I’ve never thought that.. I’ve just felt guilty for sinking to their level. If they think its okay to insult you, put you down and make you feel as low as possible then don’t even fucking reply, just know that you will always be better than them, be the better person. Its a better way of dealing with things, the minute you feel like losing it and going off on a mad one just stop for a second and realise that its not fucking worth it, leave that person where they belong and move on to someone that isn’t going to make you feel that fucking shit 🙂 We all only have one life and do you really want to be on your deathbed saying aw man I loved those days I wasted fighting with you? Nah not really you should only have happy memorys at the end of your life and the bad ones should be long forgotten like the people that gave you them.

That’s my goal anyway, if you’re not a piece of shit yourself (which you probably aren’t) then don’t let someone talk to you like you are. Someone that thinks its okay to talk to another person like that says a lot about them not you. Someone out there will realise the good in you and would never dream of treating you that way so don’t waste your time on the person who is blind to that.

A year ago I thought the greatest satisfaction was punching someone in their wanker face when their acting a dick and yeah its pretty great but a year ago I went looking for it aswell but since I’ve been minding my own business there’s been a lot less fights so I know now I was part of the problem and that’s okay because I can admit that and I’ve learnt from it 🙂

No ones perfect and its good to get your emotions, especially anger, out but I really don’t think losing it at another person is the best way. It happens sometimes, because it is really hard to control if you’re like me but there’s a few other ways to get your anger out without making things worse and it helps you calm down and smile again 🙂

1. Write down what you want to say to them, what you want to call them how much they’ve hurt you or how much you hate them etc whatever you want to say to them write it all down and then rip it up, delete it, burn it whatever the fuck because at least its out there and its not in your heart anymore.

2. Chill with your mates and don’t talk about that person, talk about anything else, funny shit, just have a laugh and you will soon see that being angry is pointless.

3. Listen to some angry music that explains how you feel. I always listen to Eminem haha that chap just gets me. The songs I listen to are

• crazy in love
• stronger than I was
• puke
• love the way you lie
• space bound
• no love
• beautiful pain 
• superman                                                                                                                                                                      

Listen to those a couple of times and that makes me feel 100 times better and you too haha and while your listening you can just relax and calm down and let Eminem say the things u want to say instead 🙂

4. If its a fight through texts then delete all the messages, every single one because even if you calm down you’re gonna go back and see those horrible messages and get angry all over again, block them so they cant send anymore and just turn off your phone and leave it for a couple of hours and watch a movie or go for a walk or sleep or whatever some shit, just don’t go drinking because believe me, that will make it worse and will probably lead to horrible drunken messages that you cant take back.

5. Or…fucking write a blog about it hahaha, actually kind of does help to be honest and I don’t really care if anyone reads it or not its kind of just for me so that I can go back and read it and remind myself of a few things that I might forget 🙂 If I read this blog a year ago I’d be like what a pussy never back down in a fight hahaha but I was a fucking idiot back then and it got me nowhere. I’m 21 nearly 22 I don’t need bullshit fights keeping me down while I’m still young so I’m doing my best to let them all go, and hopefully my new way of dealing with arguments allows me to do that and I hope I’m happier because of it!

Anyways Good Luck , Happy Holidaysss hahahaha

Powerless

I believe that one of the worst things you can go through is the feeling of being powerless. It is such a horrible feeling and one of the most frustrating things in the world.

At the moment I’m feeling this way quite a lot. In my life I usually like to be in control and Im certainly not afraid to take charge but when you have no say in the situation it’s really hard to deal with and I’m struggling. It drives me crazy to be honest.

When there’s something/someone on your mind constantly it can be a good or bad thing. It’s a bad thing for me right now because I’d rather not always have the thoughts that I have every second of every day but I’m powerless against it, distractions work for a short while but it’s still always there in the back of your mind. I wish I could just switch it off, someone should invent that, a device that let’s you choose your thoughts, or turn them off altogether, they’d make millions.

When you are in love with someone but can’t do anything about it, it’s pretty fucking shitty. They might love someone else, or they just might not want you. Whatever the reason is..just knowing you have all that love inside you for absolutely nothing kind of destroys a part of you, it makes you not want to feel that way ever again, but you’re powerless to stop it and I really don’t know if the feeling will ever truly go away.

When something bad happens to someone you deeply care about, and the solution is not in your hands..you feel so fucking useless and it tears you up inside. You would give your whole life just to help them but it means nothing because nothing can save them anymore, it’s too late.

When the past keeps you awake at night even when you have to be up for work at 7am you feel powerless 😦 you lie there thinking if only your body and mind would relax for long enough to get a few hours kip. You’ve no control over your past anymore but it can still haunt you every day 😦

Not being able to control your thoughts and feelings is torture but not being able to help someone who desperately needs it is even worse. I would do anything to have it any other way and to not feel so fucking powerless against the bad odds all the time but that’s just not going to happen. Maybe one day the tables will turn and abit of luck might get thrown my way .. And the heavy weight that I feel on my shoulders will shift and fade away..
But until then it’s in someone else’s hands.