Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness

I’ve thought about this a lot the last while. When I was younger and I’d hear of murder victims families forgiving the attacker and praying for them I used to be so confused. Why the hell would you pray for someone like that and more importantly HOW could you forgive someone that hurt you that much? But now I think I finally understand. I’m not saying I’d ever forgive someone for murder, not a hope in hell, but I do understand the sentiment and I agree with it. I think you need to forgive to move on, or at least try. The bible says that we should forgive each other because none of us are without sin, and if we want to be forgiven by God we must forgive others. I’m not overly holy but I do agree with that. I believe it is the first step to being happy again, and completely moving on.

It’s an extremely hard thing to do but I think it tells a lot about someone’s heart if they are willing to forgive someone that’s hurt them. I’m not saying that you should forgive AND forget or that they deserve a 2nd, 3rd, or 100th chance and you should not forgive them every time and let them walk all over you, but forgive them for what they have done and move on. There’s many reasons why forgiveness is the answer and here’s my few, if someone has done something terrible to you they did it for a reason, they obviously don’t care for you and now at least you know. They have to live with what they did and that’s their problem not yours. They made the choice to hurt you and if that’s the kind of person they are and continue to be then holding a grudge won’t do anything except hold you back. Forgive them because they clearly have way more issues than you’ll ever have.

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Whether it’s happened recently or ten years ago the pain can remain the same. In order for your own peace of mind, and a happy heart, you need to tell them that you forgive them. You may not mean it 100% and maybe you never will but it’s a step in the right direction. If you accept what they did and try get your head around it and basically say well I’ll never let that happen again but they did do that for a reason and I’ll forgive them because I am above what happened then you are on the way to moving past it. You don’t want to be held back in any part of your life because of what someone’s done to you, learn from it and try your very best move on. It’s a test of how strong your character is so show them how strong you are, and you’ll never be hurt like that again.

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To be honest as I write this I have to admit I’m currently struggling myself with this concept but I’m trying my best. Things have happened in my family that I don’t think can ever be forgiven..no matter how hard I try. They’ve affected me in a really negative way and it’s too hard to forgive because if none of it ever happened my life would be so different and the fact that it could have been avoided hurts me the most. So I do know that it can be impossible to let SOME things go in case you’re reading this thinking this is bullshit. I forgive in relationships because I crave love. I’ve forgiven someone who hurt me really bad because by doing what she did I realised she wasn’t the right girl for me and I didn’t want to bring any of that extra baggage into my new relationship. I can now move on and be happy in love ๐Ÿ˜Šโค๏ธ Now my heart can be filled completely by her and not broken by people that have hurt me and that’s all anyone wants.

So finally, I do believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness but do not let people take advantage of you and abuse your kindness. God says it is the right thing to do and I agree. Yes, I do think that some things are unforgivable and I’m sure you’d agree from even just watching the news, but you know yourself what is and what’s not. Believe me, you will feel a weight off your shoulders when you realise that you need to let that grudge go and take the first step..it may take awhile for it to come full circle but by then you will have moved on and are hopefully much happier. There also might come a time in your life when you find yourself begging for someone’s forgiveness (you never know) and I’m sure you’ll be wishing they were as kind as you. Everybody makes mistakes!

Your heart is for love, not hate.
Remember that ! ๐Ÿ˜„

One love โค๏ธ

Laters lads !! X

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If I Had

To somebody that I used to know…

If I had of known you’d leave me feeling this shit when I reconnected with you last year I would have avoided you and stayed happy.

If I had of known that you were lying about everything you “felt” and everything you “wanted” just to hurt me as much as possible..and to get me back for the mistakes that I made I would have never trusted a word you said.

If I had of known you would make me more depressed than happy.. I would have never have talked to you in the first place.

If I had of known you’d make me fall in love with you to use it against me I would have kept my guard up.

If I had of known you’d manipulate me into feeling sorry for you even though it was you that was hurting me I wouldn’t of given you the opportunity.

If I had of known you’d put me down instead of appreciating who I am, then I would have found someone who actually did like me for me.

If I had of known you’d be out there in the world with everything I told you with no connection between us I would have never opened up to you.

If I had of known you’d use me when you wanted me and get rid of me when you didn’t I would have ran a mile in the opposite direction from the beginning.

If I had of known you’d abuse my trust, my love and the limited intelligence I have and use it to betray me in the worst way possible I would have ignored you when you struck up the first conversation.

If I had of known you’d leave me with only painful memories and a bad taste in my mouth I would have never wasted my time thinking about a future with you.

If I had of been told that down the line you’d break up my family I wouldn’t of believed it.

If I had of known you’d threaten me and show no remorse for hurting me on any occasion I would have never have fallen in love with you.

If I had of known you’d be the one to change me and make me heartless and cold I’d have stayed well away from you.

If I had of known that down the line you’d turn out to be the opposite of everything I thought you were you would have never have been a part of my life.

If I had of known what MY mistakes would do to you and the hurt I would cause you in the past, I would buy the first time machine ever made and undo all of them because I am 100% stillย genuinely sorry for my actions and I know I can never make up for them.

If I had ONE wish.. It wouldn’t be to get you back and make you feel the way I do, my wish would be to be put back into the position I was in before I ever knew you where nothing between us EVER happened.. and it never ended up like this.

Notches Beat Scars

Put your hands up if you think sex is better than love? Anybody? Just me? Yeah right!

I have decided at my lovely age of 22 that yeah, sex IS better than love. A lot better. I’ve been in love and I’ve been in a woman and the second one just has to top it every fucking time haha you wanna know why? Because never once have I been hurt by sex (that I didn’t enjoy, that is) and the amount of times I’ve been hurt by love? I’m not even going to say. Yeah sex WITH love is what everybody wants but then you just run the risk of getting your heart broken so I’m not into that anymore.

I’m enjoying myself at the moment and my new thinking is notches on the bedpost is better than scars on your wrists or heart. That got deep fast didn’t it?! Hahaha

Anyways, you might think I’m an asshole for writing this and that’s cool but I’ve got a few reasons. I’m not saying I’m going to use girls for sex and then fuck off I’m still a nice guy deep down but I’m just not interested in the love part anymore.

I fall in love quite easily because of the way I am but I don’t fall out of it easily. From my past experiences it’s left me depressed with a few scars on the old wrists and wot not when things got really bad and I feel an empty hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be, I’m scarred emotionally and physically from this great thing called ‘Love’ and I just figured better to scar my bedpost instead haha. I’m not interested in getting hurt again, and this is a good way to avoid that I think ๐Ÿ˜Š

Fuck it I’m young and good looking, both of those things will change soon enough so better use them while I can… No strings attached, my heart stays in tact… Perfect ๐Ÿ˜Š I might have to build a new bedpost in fairness though ๐Ÿ˜ฎ hahaha..

Anyone who’s reading this and doesn’t agree with me.. Sorry but.. You’re not doing it right mate haha…

Goooood Luck ๐Ÿ˜‰

Kindness Taken For Weakness

I think one of the biggest mistakes you can make in your life is to let your happiness depend on someone else. You should never depend on someone else for such a big thing because they may not always come through, they could fuck you over and take your happiness with them and there’s no reason for me not to believe that there’s always that chance. I’ve depended on people that have made me happy because I thought they would always be there for me and you never think people that “love you” are going to hurt you but they too have fucked me over and then sadly you’re left in a depressing hole that’s hard to climb out of.

I think I’m too trusting of the wrong type of people but it’s very hard to know when a lot of people have many different faces and encourage you to trust them. I’m no saint and I have hurt people in my life but I would never do some of the things that have been done to me. Getting fucked over can make you cold, and I think it’s really sad to say never trust anyone but I think that’s probably the only way. When you trust someone you give them the chance to ruin that and make you regret ever knowing them and it’s hard to get over that shit when that happens.

I’m not saying everyone’s going to hurt you but don’t even give them the chance. It’s not worth it. At this stage I don’t think love is even worth it. Love doesn’t work and when it all breaks down the aftermath is bad enough to make you never want it again. For me anyway. Don’t expect someone to always be there, don’t expect them to stick to their word or what they make you believe because one day you can wake up and discover that’s not the case at all. They’ll fuck you over with no explanation and you’ll be wishing you’d known that this was going to happen, well here you go, listen to me because there’s a good chance it will.

The only person you should depend on for happiness is yourself because you’re never going to fuck yourself over or turn on yourself, do not put it into someone else’s hands, it’s too risky.

I know I said I wouldn’t write depressing blogs but this is just some advice, I’m still happy I just have a new perspective on life and I’ve got a new way of living it. Anyways… take my advice or don’t but I’ll certainly be living by it.

Later

Just a Friend

There’s four words I hate to hear from a girl and no surprisingly enough its not “Is it in yet?” no, the four words I hate are “He’s just a friend”. Yeah fucking right. Nine times out of ten that is not the case. Yeah for some girls they do have guys in their life that are unfortunately (for them)ย stuck in the friend zone and you know they will never climb out so you’re not worried aboutย thoseย guys, you’re worried about the ones that are just like you. Guys know guys, and we know the way we think. I mean, if I was texting a girl and she had a lad already I’d feel sorry him. Clearly your girls not loyal if shes in my inbox and no.. I’m not looking to be her ‘friend’. So he should be worried, because as soon as he screws up shes going to be all over me, for revenge, to make him jealous, to get over him.. who the fuck cares?!

I’m still getting laid.

That’s all well and good when you’re onย that side of the story but when YOU have a girl that you love and she’s texting lads that she claims are ‘just friends’ you dump that motherfucker. Before you get hurt. You know what will happen, you’ll have a fight, she’ll cry on their shoulder and boom you lost her to this “so called mate”. Problem is, she shouldn’t be doing that in the first place. If shes loyal to you she won’t text anybody she knows you don’t like, and you’ll do the same for her. You don’t have to be possessive about it though and be like ‘Only lad in your inbox must be your dad’ cause that’s kinda crazy but just a few ground rules about the type of lads you know are waiting to jump the minute something goes wrong. If she loves you she’ll have no problem doing that, if she puts up a fight or refuses, I repeat,ย dump that motherfucker and move on because that ship is sinking anyway. You don’t need that bullshit in your life.

I will always believe in the saying ‘bitches be crazy’ because yeah..they are. You can go off on one about your girl texting other lads and you can have a head wrecking fight about how they mean ‘nothing‘ ..’we barely talk‘ ..’he doesn’t even like me‘ and all the rest of that bullshit and then next minute she can turn around and be like ‘who’s this bitch liking your picture?’ ‘Why don’t you go and textย her?’ย ‘I’m sureย she’sย much better at that’ and if you dare try say ‘she’sย just a friend’ well.. you have some balls man. See, its one way for women and its another way for men. Women go on and on about how lads are such assholes and they’re all the same, well women are just as bad, and sometimes worse. You can’t win with a woman, just to get her to shut up you say sorry even when you know in your heart you are right. You could have a ground breaking argument backed up with facts and fucking figures and you will still be wrong and its important to understand that ASAP. Cherish the day she ever admits she is wrong and apologises to YOU because this is not natural for women honestly hahaha. It’s okay though because the way I think of it is, when you’re in love with her, it’s better to lose the fight than to lose her, and that makes me feel better…and also secretly knowing you were right obviously ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m not hating on women, because god knows I love girls and men have their own flaws but some things just have to be said. For the record, just to get it out there, if a girl doesn’t act in the slightest bit jealous then I’d get very worried if I were you because its obvious she doesn’t really give a fuck about you. Jealousy means you care and I believe its a good thing for the most part. If she’s still getting jealous over who’s liking your pictures and worrying about your attention going elsewhere, then you know she still loves you, and if you are a decent man and YOU love HER you will relieve her of her worry and make sure she knows she is the only one for you. If she’s not jealous you’ve already lost her, and you know that. Same way as if you think about her texting or being with another man, and if it doesn’t feel like a knife going through your heart then you no longer love her. And of course I think the first sign that you should start to worry is when you find out they are texting someone who is ‘just a friend’. I’ve been wise to this phrase for a long time because in all of my past experience when you and your girl break up, 90% of the time BOOM she’s with thisย friend, it’s the same shit, different day.

In the defence of women, and clearly I’m all about equality ;).. Yes, ladies, there ARE times when the man is just a fuck up and it’s not your fault for straying and talking to someone who you think is better suited. That’s natural, I’m not telling you to stay with the ‘fuck up’ but just don’t lead them on, it’s over when you start thinking about leaving, so do it there and then and be free to talk to who you want. That way, there is a minimal amount of pain and the dude doesn’t think you’re a slut. Works both ways, end things with the girl before pursuing someone else so the girl you once loved doesn’t think you’re a player. I hate when things end badly and unfortunately it happens a lot but it doesn’t need to. In my opinion it’s all about respect, if you respect the person you love you wouldn’t be texting other people that you KNOW are probably interested in you. Don’t lie to them or yourself by saying it means “nothing”. It’s not fair to anyone. Even if you don’t love them anymore respect them enough to end it in the nicest possible way.

Now anyways, I’m not an expert and there might be some rare cases out there that are genuine friends and not looking for anything more, but boys will be boys and unless they’re gay or severely stuck in the friendzone due to being mad ugly or some other defect then you can’t really be sure. All I know is, when a girl has said to me ‘hes just a friend’ its never meant that. Likewise when I tell a girl ‘she’s just a friend’, I know we could be more than friends if I wanted it.

Next time I hear those words come out of a girl I like’s mouth she’s getting dropped like a hot potato. No time for that anymore, I’m 22 for gods sake hahah.. Loyalty and honesty are such attractive traits, and if you have a hint of crazy, then chances are, I’m probably already in love with you. Soz

Laters ๐Ÿ™‚

Be Kind

I honestly don’t think there is anything better than a kind person. It is such a beautiful trait for someone to have and if you are a kind person I love you haha ๐Ÿ™‚

It can be seen in many different ways and that’s the beauty of it. For instance one of my friends hasn’t got a lot of money himself at all but whenever we walk past a homeless person there is a 100% guarantee that he will give his last bit of change to them. Whereas there’s countless numbers of people walking on by not even acknowledging that there’s someone sleeping in a doorway on these freezing cold nights. Now I’m no saint and I’m not saying I do it all the time but I do sometimes and I’m going to do it more because at the end of the day they need it more than you.

You can tell someone is kind just by talking to them. It’s great when you just know they have a good heart and they have good opinions about things and care about more people than just themselves. Go for the people that are thinking about others rather than talking about others. The ones that want to make a difference rather than the ones who complain about the way things are and do nothing.

I think the reason I value kindness so much in someone is because there’s so much negativity in the world, and cruel things happen everyday that make a lot of people very angry and it’s easy to get caught up in that mindset and basically think fuck the world but there’s still people out there who live in the same cruel world and still manage to be kind and brighten people’s day for no apparent reason and they are the special ones and they’re rare to come by!

Which is why I’m going to try my best to be one of them. Kindness goes a long way and a small gesture to you could mean the whole world to someone else. The other great thing about it is it makes you feel good and who doesn’t like feeling good? Bitching about people and turning a blind eye to the bad things happening around you make you feel absolutely nothing. Being kind to someone and making them smile warms your whole soul ๐Ÿ™‚ and I think that’s what everybody needs ๐Ÿ™‚

The kind people in my life are my favourite people. If there’s anything I want to be remembered for it’s that and I hope whoever is reading this agrees with me and starts being more kind.. What have you got to lose ๐Ÿ™‚ ?! ….. Laters x

Last Blog

This will be my last blog post, as it just hasn’t worked out for me unfortunately. Blogging was great fun to do and a great way of getting my feelings out since I have trouble actually saying it. I had goals and dreams for this year but now I’ve only one goal, to make others happy ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m taking a break from life but I hope you liked some of my posts and thanks for reading them whoever you are, it’s much appreciated. Goodbye x

Soundtrack of my life

I love music more than anything else in the entire world it’s magical how much power it has and crazy the effect it has on me! Here’s a list of my favourite songs in the whole world whether you care or not … All of the songs mean something specific to me and I suppose they could be used as the soundtrack to my life … ๐Ÿ™‚

1. Soul Asylum – Runaway Train
2. Fritz and Paul Kalkbrenner – Sky and Sand (My funeral song)
3. Green Day – Jesus of Suburbia
4. Green Day – Whatsername
5. Blink 182 – always
6. Blink 182 – feeling this
7. Gigi D’Agostino – La Passion
8. Robbie Williams – Eternity
9. Oasis – Live Forever
10. Eminem – Beautiful
11. Hopsin – Ill mind of Hopsin 5,6,7
12. Green Day – Give Me Novacaine
13. Green Day – Basket Case
14. Arctic Monkeys – Stop the world
15. Arctic Monkeys – A certain romance
16. One Republic – Say All I Need
17. SemiSonic – Closing Time
18. Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Dani California
19. The xx – Intro
20. 2pac – Keep ya head up
21. Justin Timberlake – What goes around
22. Eminem – Hailies Song
23. Jack Mellencamp – Jack and Diane
24. Iggy Pop – The passenger
25. Duran Duran – Hungry like a wolf
26. Jaymes Young – Parachute
27. Kodaline – Way back when
28. Greg Laswell – Comes and goes (Niklas Thal Edit)
29. M83 – Wait (Kygo Edit)
30. Dandy Warhols – Bohemian Like You
31. Bakermat – Vandaag
32. Squeeze – Is that love?
33. Steve Miller Band – The Joker
34. Michael Jackson – Man in the mirror
35. Chris Brown – Forever
36. Bob Marley – Redemption Song
37. Bob Marley – Is this love
38. Faithless – Insomnia
39. Owl City – Vanilla Twilight
40. All American Rejects – Move Along
41. Nickelback – Far Away
42. Kodaline – All I want
43. Lana Del Rey – Born to die
44. Billy Joel – Piano Man
45. Foals – My Number
46. Outkast – Ms Jackson
47. Biggie – Suicidal Thoughts
48. 2pac – Changes
49. Plain White T’s – A Lonely September
50. Honour Society – Where are you now
51. Eagle Eye Cherry – Save Tonight
52. Kid Cudi – Dat New New
53. Kid Cudi – pursuit of happiness
54. MGMT – Time to pretend
55. Coldplay – The scientist
56. Stereophonics – Nothing Compares To You
57. Stereophonics – Dakota
58. Kanye West – Heartless
59. Jay Z – Dirt off your shoulder
60. Ed Sheeran – Give me love
61. Ed Sheeran – Little Bird
62. Kanye West – Homecoming
63. Eminem – Mockingbird
64. Foster the kids – Pumped up kicks
65. Gorillaz – Melancholy Hill
66. Jason Derulo – Ridin Solo
67. Jack Johnson – Do you remember?
68. Eric Claptone – Wonderful Tonight
69. John Lennon – Imagine
70. U2 – Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own
71. Blink 182 – Adams Song
72. Coldplay – Fix You
73. T.I – whatever you like
74. Cheap Trick – I want you
75. Jet – Are u gonna be my girl
76. Dexys Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen
77. Childish Gambino – Heartbeat
78. Mika – Happy Ending

Is this it?

Just as I’m lying here in my bed with the moon and stars shining in through my window I routinely start to over think. I stare at the stars and it dawns on me that in a little over a months time I’m going to be 22 years old. I feel as though I haven’t achieved anything significant, I have so many dreams but what if they just stay dreams?

As Drake once said ‘YOLO’ and people took the piss with that phrase haha but he’s absolutely right and I don’t want to waste my life away. I look into the sky and try picture how big the world actually is with nearly 8 billion people living on it and I think there must be something better than this?

There was a reason I was born in Dublin in 1993 and there’s a reason I’m here and it’s not just cause the condom broke! I believe the meaning of life is to find out why you are here, at this moment in time. I don’t think it’s all down to chance and you only have one life to discover yourself. Everybody has something to offer to the world, and everybody can make a difference, big or small, if they try hard enough. I know this is all real deep but I just realised I don’t wanna float through life and not see what the world has to offer me. I’m already practically 22 and I’m still living at home going to the same 9-5 job and it’s okay it’s ‘grand’ and I’m a lazy fucker too so that doesn’t help haha, but I’m certainly not satisfied with the way my life is.

I think I’ll start small and make mini changes to my lifestyle, try new activities and travel as much as I can. Then over time I might figure out what life actually means for me and how I can get the most out of it. You never know I might even find someone to share my life with, and she might bring some meaning to it ๐Ÿ™‚ BUT that seems like a long shot but we’ll see…

All I know is I don’t want to be lying in the same bed at 23 looking at the big black sky regretting not having started living my life, or even worse be at the end of my life having not achieved or done ANYTHING really except work in the same job until retirement and then chill as an oul fella with my 30 year old wife haha.. No I know that’s not what I want. Although the 30 year old wife part wouldn’t be TOO bad ๐Ÿ˜‰
There has to be more to life, and hopefully I find out that there is ๐Ÿ™‚ if it doesn’t work out for me then at least I tried and really, what’s life without ambition?!

Wish me luck ๐Ÿ˜‰

mae west

Alone

Alone..what a lovely word eh? That word can have so many meanings. You could take it literally which means you’re literally by yourself, which isn’t the worst meaning in my opinion. I think the worst meaning is when you feel it, in your own mind and your own heart, whether you’re on your own or not.

The thing is, once you feel alone, you start feeling quite helpless. How do I stop it? Why do I feel this way? I’m not on my own so how come I feel so isolated? It’s very strange and very sad. I could be surrounded by all my friends and still feel alone. I feel as though they don’t have a clue what goes on inside my head or how I really feel and I know they never will, only I will know that. I don’t think there’s any point in trying to explain whats going on in my noggin because I couldn’t put it into words anyway and nobody would want to know. It’s easier to just speak generally and not go too deep into things. It’s so weird because anyone that knows me would never think I feel the way I do or that I think about things so much. I guess its probably better that way, the less they know the better really.

I’d get some slagging’s if I ever told the lads I felt ‘alone’ haha. I’d be swiftly told to man up because obviously it is a weird thing to feel when you’re around people that are meant to make you feel comfortable.

90% of the time I don’t feel alone and I am comfortable and it’s nothing to do with the people around me it’s just down to me. Something triggers it and I suddenly snap into a little depression episode where I over think everything and I worry that I’ll even end up alone because of the way I am and no one is ever gonna really understand me and I can’t imagine someone even bothering to try understand me because my mind is fucked and it’s pretty much unfixable. So on those days I feel like it’s just best to distance myself from everyone and stay inside my own head. It drives me crazy yeah but is it not better to do that than to drive someone else crazy?

Another part I hate is you start feeling really guilty..There are so many people out there with really hard lives that have nobody, no friends or family and here I am whinging cause I feel alone. I wish it wasn’t that way and I’d snap out of it if I could and eventually I do but sometimes it is just too draining putting on the same happy goofy face all the time and acting like everything’s hunky dory when actually deep down I’m really really sad.

I’ve felt so many emotions in the last few months and I think I just overloaded and now I just feel numb. I’m sad and I’m tired of life and the things it throws at me, everyone thinks I’m really strong but does a strong man feel like this? No.

These kind of days come and go like waves, I believe you have to be sad to experience happiness and you have to be happy to know what sadness feels like, but sometimes for me it feels like it’s on an unequal scale and God gives me the smallest dose of happiness to then sink me with sadness. I don’t know if that will ever change (hopefully it will) but I’ll have to keep my chin up as much as I can and try fill the emptiness somehow.

I will always make the most of the bit of happiness that I do get and as I just said to my friend Keri, I’d give my life to be happy and maybe in 2015 things will change and the scale might be tipped towards good things, and this overwhelming feeling will be nothing but a memory and I will find the cure to feeling alone ๐Ÿ™‚ Bit optimistic but sure its a start haha,

Cya