Everyday is a school day

Wassup kids

I started this blog when I was 21 years old, a baby!! I had a lot to learn, even though I thought I had the game of life all figured out. I mean I started a blog called the key to deal with life? As if I knew something yous didn’t?! Hahaha. I haven’t written a blog in a long long time I have about 15 drafts dating back 2 or 3 years that just never seemed good enough to publish. This blog is different because it deals with something close to my heart and I think it might be the most important thing I’ve ever written. I want to share an experience I had recently that made me feel like I’ve taken a huge step forward in my life and made me feel like a real adult.

This blog is about a speech I gave in an American high school on 25th of April. The speech was about depression. I am in no way an expert on the subject I ain’t got no qualifications, I just know from personal experiences. It’s important to spread awareness to young people because as you know if it goes untreated it only gets worse in adulthood.

So this is what I told them…

Background

The reason for me coming to America is a dark one. Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort. I gave myself one more chance to find happiness and I put all my faith in New York to do just that. If it didn’t, it didn’t, that was it, I was tapping out. Now, look, I’m still here…I don’t think I’m a survivor of depression in any way, I still have my struggles (believe me). Its an uphill battle everyday but over the years I’ve learnt what works and what doesn’t so here’s what I think contributes to depression and the best ways to cope with it.

Depression

Depression is hard to see because it’s easy to hide. It’s easy to fake laugh and it’s a lot easier to say I’m okay than to dive into your problem. It’s even easier to find an unhealthy coping mechanism such as alcohol or drugs.

It can affect absolutely anybody. It doesn’t matter if you are rich with a loving family, with the whole world at your feet, like Chester Bennington or Avicii, you can still collapse under the weight of it and sadly lose your battle. They felt like nothing could save them. It’s unfortunate for me to say but I know how they felt and I relate a little too closely to a lot of Linkin Parks final songs. When I was a teenager I never in a million years thought I’d have to deal with my own mental health issues. I think everyone always thinks that would never happen to me….until it does.

You could live in the beautiful city of New York with a population of 8.5 million and still feel so alone. Suicide rates are at an all time high here and across the world.

In case you didn’t know, depression feels like you are swimming against the tide and I just want you all to know that you are not alone in what you’re feeling, I have felt it and I still do. Sometimes I feel so dead inside that when I go to the gym and see my heart rate being monitored I snap back to reality like woah I’m really in this in bitch haha…its easy to go numb on life and just go on autopilot but that’s a signal for you to get help.

There are amazing services out there and there are people that just want to listen. Believe me you will feel better just by talking. When I was 17/18 I kept everything bottled up, I never even cried. One day I began opening up and now I can’t stop I even cry at ads on the tv hahaha. With male suicide rates increasing every year don’t be ashamed to open up or even cry. It’s a sign of strength not weakness. I still stand by that only the strongest people cry at the end of monsters inc and I don’t care what anybody says.

School

School ain’t gonna last forever kids. So enjoy it while you can if you’re one of the lucky ones that has a laugh in school. If you’re someone that hates school, again remember that it’s not gonna last forever. Don’t worry and stress too much about getting the college or job you want, you all have the ability to do great things and no lack of qualification or experience is going to stop you from doing that if you believe in yourself. You’re going to be who you’re going to be. Don’t compare yourself to everyone else, because while now it probably seems like it’s a race to be the best, the real race of life is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself!

Friends

Always look out for your friends and support them in what they choose. You will find out when you get older that your number of friends starts to decrease as everyone starts building their own lives. Choose your friends wisely, if they’re not making a positive impact on your life, drop them. Always check up on your friends. Don’t assume they’re fine without asking, you never ever know what’s going through someone’s head. Some people are very good at hiding how distraught they really are. If someone does open up to you about a problem, recognise that is very scary and vulnerable thing for them to do, so show as much compassion and patience as possible. (I don’t know what I would do without the support system I have, I probably wouldn’t be here. So shout out to you all.💛)

Relationships

I cannot stress this enough. Do not be reckless with peoples hearts. Do not put up with people who are reckless with yours. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Build your other half up and support them, be their biggest fan.. but just make sure they’re worth it. Don’t get taken for granted. Know your own worth.

Now I’m not perfect when it comes to this, I’ve lived and relived the player lifestyle and I’ve lived the good boyfriend lifestyle. One thing I know is you cannot live both lives simultaneously. I am seriously speaking from experience about this, I’ve ducked my hand in that cookie jar when I shouldn’t have and while it was all fun and games at the time real people got hurt, and in the end the only one left hurting was me. Even Drake couldn’t write this shit. Be gentle with peoples hearts, we all only have the one.

Don’t let one person define your happiness

I learnt this the hard way. Not to be cynical or anything but don’t always believe that people will be there for you no matter what. Sometimes they won’t. And sometimes that won’t be their choice. They could have promised you all your hopes and dreams in a moment and down the line they could deny ever doing that.. but that could be when you need them the most. Without freaking you out too much, I think you should just be aware that one day the person you depend on and put your life into could for some reason be gone. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, it matters that they’re gone and you weren’t expecting it. This could be a boyfriend/girlfriend, family or friends. If this happens, you will be expected to carry on and live through the pain of losing that person and I believe that you can because I am. If you learn anything from me i want that to be to love yourself enough and believe you have the confidence and strength to come out the other side of it a stronger and better person.

Everything I knew, just went out the window, now I can’t depend on you, forever.

Finally, I just want to say be the kindness you want to see in the world. I know sometimes it’s difficult, a lot of things can get you down but as Kanye said “if you wanna see the true character of a person watch the way they treat someone who can’t do anything for them”. There is a lot of pain in the world in the moment, you know that as well as I do. We can all play a small part in changing that by loving ourselves and loving one another. Spend time with your family and cherish every minute spent with the people you love.

Every cloud eventually runs out of rain. What you’re experiencing is just a season, not the overall climate. So keep going.

I was on a high after giving my speech and the feedback I got was extremely positive. I can only hope that I get the opportunity to do it again for more people. This is probably the longest blog I’m ever going to write but it’s a new chapter of my life and it had to be shared. I’m taking every day as it comes but at least now I think I’ve finally found my purpose.

Kudos to you if you recognised all the song references in there 😏

Laters … 😊 X

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Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness

I’ve thought about this a lot the last while. When I was younger and I’d hear of murder victims families forgiving the attacker and praying for them I used to be so confused. Why the hell would you pray for someone like that and more importantly HOW could you forgive someone that hurt you that much? But now I think I finally understand. I’m not saying I’d ever forgive someone for murder, not a hope in hell, but I do understand the sentiment and I agree with it. I think you need to forgive to move on, or at least try. The bible says that we should forgive each other because none of us are without sin, and if we want to be forgiven by God we must forgive others. I’m not overly holy but I do agree with that. I believe it is the first step to being happy again, and completely moving on.

It’s an extremely hard thing to do but I think it tells a lot about someone’s heart if they are willing to forgive someone that’s hurt them. I’m not saying that you should forgive AND forget or that they deserve a 2nd, 3rd, or 100th chance and you should not forgive them every time and let them walk all over you, but forgive them for what they have done and move on. There’s many reasons why forgiveness is the answer and here’s my few, if someone has done something terrible to you they did it for a reason, they obviously don’t care for you and now at least you know. They have to live with what they did and that’s their problem not yours. They made the choice to hurt you and if that’s the kind of person they are and continue to be then holding a grudge won’t do anything except hold you back. Forgive them because they clearly have way more issues than you’ll ever have.

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Whether it’s happened recently or ten years ago the pain can remain the same. In order for your own peace of mind, and a happy heart, you need to tell them that you forgive them. You may not mean it 100% and maybe you never will but it’s a step in the right direction. If you accept what they did and try get your head around it and basically say well I’ll never let that happen again but they did do that for a reason and I’ll forgive them because I am above what happened then you are on the way to moving past it. You don’t want to be held back in any part of your life because of what someone’s done to you, learn from it and try your very best move on. It’s a test of how strong your character is so show them how strong you are, and you’ll never be hurt like that again.

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To be honest as I write this I have to admit I’m currently struggling myself with this concept but I’m trying my best. Things have happened in my family that I don’t think can ever be forgiven..no matter how hard I try. They’ve affected me in a really negative way and it’s too hard to forgive because if none of it ever happened my life would be so different and the fact that it could have been avoided hurts me the most. So I do know that it can be impossible to let SOME things go in case you’re reading this thinking this is bullshit. I forgive in relationships because I crave love. I’ve forgiven someone who hurt me really bad because by doing what she did I realised she wasn’t the right girl for me and I didn’t want to bring any of that extra baggage into my new relationship. I can now move on and be happy in love 😊❤️ Now my heart can be filled completely by her and not broken by people that have hurt me and that’s all anyone wants.

So finally, I do believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness but do not let people take advantage of you and abuse your kindness. God says it is the right thing to do and I agree. Yes, I do think that some things are unforgivable and I’m sure you’d agree from even just watching the news, but you know yourself what is and what’s not. Believe me, you will feel a weight off your shoulders when you realise that you need to let that grudge go and take the first step..it may take awhile for it to come full circle but by then you will have moved on and are hopefully much happier. There also might come a time in your life when you find yourself begging for someone’s forgiveness (you never know) and I’m sure you’ll be wishing they were as kind as you. Everybody makes mistakes!

Your heart is for love, not hate.
Remember that ! 😄

One love ❤️

Laters lads !! X