Things I Love/Hate about relationships

Okay so.. Basically I’m a relationship kinda guy..despite what some people may think. 80% of the time I prefer being a relationship than being with a load of randoms. I like things to mean something. I’m not even embarrassed to say that I like romance and I like to be romantic. I think lads should pay for stuff and pull out girls chairs and open their doors etc etc. Might be old fashioned but I enjoy it so fuck it.

Anyways, I haven’t been in a relationship for quite a while and I’m trying to figure out if it’s what I really want right now so I’ve made a list of things I Love about them and things I don’t love so much. This was originally me just trying to organise my thoughts but fuck it I’ll post it if anyone’s bored enough to read this ..

Things I Love

– Having someone there that will listen to you when you need to talk..help you with a problem or even just have a laugh. I like my girlfriend to be my best friend.
– Cuddles and Spooning.
– Very regular sex.. Nuff said
– Good morning texts.. And “other” texts that only a girlfriend would send.
– Showing her off. I’m proud of whatever is mine so Im happy showing my girl off in front of my mates. And smirking at the fellas who can’t have her because she’s mine.
– Knowing that someone loves you, cares about you, and wants to be with YOU makes it pretty hard to ever be sad.
– Having crazy deep stupid conversations that you only have with someone you’re mad comfortable with instead of bullshit small talk.
– Having someone that understands you and accepts you for who you are and still loves you is an amazing feeling.
– Date nights, holding hands, netflix and chill.. All that good shit
– Stupid inside jokes that crack yous up that no one else understands
– Not wasting time trying to pull when you’re out because you have a beautiful girl already.
– Getting drunk and high with your girl should be top of this list tbh.

Things I dislike
– I dislike how relationships either end in something very serious or they end all together. I think that’s a lot of pressure. I guess you just have to be prepared for that and make sure the girl is worth it, either way.
– Jealousy. I can be a very jealous guy.. I’m very protective and I can get angry quick enough if I think something’s going on which I need to work on because it’s either that or I don’t give a fuck at all so I need to find a middle ground.
Your girlfriend can get jealous too. Which CAN be cute sometimes but it can be an absolute nightmare aswell if she’s going psycho every time a girl looks at you or likes your pic.. Relax.. It’s not my fault I’m good looking.
– The fear that they will cheat on you. This is a constant fear of mine because I’ve been cheated on before and I’ve been fucked over loads of times so I just think people are really hard to trust. And sometimes it’s easier to just be single and not worry about that shit.
– Their family and friends have to like you. For me, this is a must because I just think it’s crazy awkward when you know her sister or friends think she shouldn’t be with you or her parents hate you etc I want an easy life and I could do without that.
– Having fights and seeing your single friends care free. I hate when I’m fighting with a girl and I see my mates and I just think fuck that it’s really not worth it.
– When you’re in a relationship all of a sudden everyone wants a piece of you. This leads to serious temptation but results in nothing but daydreams.
– When you’re single you have no one to answer to.. Which sometimes I actually like because I like being looked after but most of the time I rather do my own thing and not have someone nagging me about my life decisions.

That’s all I can think of at the moment.. I do think relationships are better than being single overall but they both definitely have their flaws.
Making this list has just made me more confused….

Oh well .. Laters guys !!

Advertisements

How to get over someone

1. Do You
If you loved someone and it broke down and you’re trying to move on, the first thing to do is focus on yourself. Think about the way you want to be, your goals for the future, HOW you’re going to make yourself happy.

When I was trying to get over someone this year it felt like it would never happen. Of course you can take your few days to have a cry and feel sorry for yourself or if you’re me get off your head hammered. But after that you need to snap out of it and realise it’s over and the sooner you realise that the sooner you will be happy. I decided I was going to put all of my effort into work. I was going to earn loads of money, save up, move out and travel, which would hopefully make me happy. I’ve been doing that all Summer and I feel really proud for how hard I’ve worked and how far I’ve come.

2. Chill with the lads/girls
Your mates love you and they don’t want to see you sad over some bastard/bitch. You should have a rule that yous never mention their name in convo. Chill out, go cruising, go on a night out, do anything that takes your mind off what you’re feeling because you’ll soon realise 2 hours has passed and you haven’t thought about them once. Do not isolate yourself and listen to achy breaky love songs… trust me..it won’t help.

3. Delete and Block it all
Those photos you have on your phone are no good to you now, they will only make you sad/pissed off. Delete them all so you don’t have to see them ever again. Block your ex on everything, because we all know you be checking their whatsapp last seen like there’s no tomorrow wondering who they’re texting, why are they online, and worst of all sending drunk texts that don’t fucking delete from the convo. Block all that shit, you don’t need the stress of that. Out of sight, out of mind.

4. “I miss you”
This WILL happen. No matter what they did.. It will suddenly hit you that you miss them. You will want to text or ring them and hear their voice or have a chat, maybe try work things out?
This is because at one point you did love them but you miss what you HAD. Most of the time you do not miss THEM. You hear a song, or see something that reminds you of them and you’re hit with a PANG. When this happens think about the bad things, why it broke down in the first place.. How annoying they can be.. How they never shut the fuck up.. How mean they can be.. How THEY haven’t text/called you once..Whatever it is about them that you don’t like, fucking focus on that shit and make sure it’s all you think about when they unfortunately come into your head. Remember that they’re not missing you.

5. Get with someone else
This is selfish but I believe it has to happen. You need the attention and you need to know you still got it. Go out and talk to someone you like, and be with them. It can just be a one night thing, no strings attached but being with someone else will make you feel better in the long run. You realise you can have other people and that down the line there will be somebody else for you. And if nothing else, it’s sex so end of argument haha.

6. Give it enough time
Getting over someone you really loved is never going to be an easy or quick process. I seriously think it’s one of the hardest things to go through in life but if you give yourself enough time and enough space away from that person you should feel your heart slowly mending itself and after awhile you feel a lot stronger than you did when it first happened.

7. Realise what you’re worth
Now I’m pretty sure you are all wonderful people but unfortunately not many people give themselves the credit. You need to value yourself and recognise that you need to be treated WELL. Nobody deserves to be treated badly and you should never let anyone do that to you. Gain back your confidence and learn to love yourself. Which is a VERY hard thing to do for some people, including myself, but once you do…you find happiness. Write down one thing you like about yourself everyday until you have a long list. Once you feel good about yourself you will feel positive about YOUR future and not dwell in the past.

8. Keep Busy
After these 7 things a few weeks maybe months should have passed, and through doing these things you should encounter new people and new things. So all of a sudden you realise that you haven’t thought about them all day. You don’t even care who they’re texting or what they’re up to because you’re busy with YOUR life. You’re on your way to achieving your goals whatever they may be and you might even like someone else who’s making you forget about them completely. For the first time in a long time you know you’re going to be okay.. which means you’re well on the road to happiness.

It took me a long time to get through these steps especially since I have BPD and when I love someone I reaaaally love them and when it ends it can feel like my whole world is falling apart and there’s no point in even being here. It can get very bad. But I’ve changed my mindset and literally forced myself out of bed so many times so that I can go out and better myself.  A few months down the line I’m finally happy, I’m seeing someone I really really like and care about, (She loves me 😉), and I’m working hard towards my goals.

You deserve to be happy and if you’re going through a break up I feel for you. But don’t stay at the pity party too long because the rest of your life is waiting and life is extremely short. Try spend it happy.

Thanks for reading I hope it helps someone.

Peace x

Why can’t we leave those who hurt us?

I was talking to my friend today about her 8 year relationship that is inevitably going to be over soon. Her boyfriend has been treating her like shit for months now and he spends all of his time with other girls. He has no intention of changing his ways and in fairness to him he’s tried to leave the relationship but has never fully gone through with it. My friend is doing everything she can to keep this guy. Nearly accepting that he is clearly cheating and psyching herself up to stay with him no matter what and making millions of excuses for him. I constantly tell her that she has to leave, it’s going nowhere and she can do so much better but she doesn’t listen. So why is it that she desperately wants to stay with this guy who obviously doesn’t care about her? She’s only 24 so she has plenty of time to find loads of new lads and she definitely wouldn’t be short on offers but she’s desperate to make it work with this guy that is driving her to breaking point. Why?

I kept asking myself this over and over because I just couldn’t understand why she would put herself through that. Then I realised. I do the exact same thing. It’s in different situations but I act and feel the same way she does. I find it so hard to get over people that don’t give a shit about me and I’m constantly questioning everything that went wrong and thinking about what ifs when they aren’t giving me one thought. I want the people back in my life that walked out voluntarily. Why?! I should hate these people and part of me does but part of me desperately wants them to want me back. I can’t be the only one? It’s so confusing because one minute I can be like I fucking hate those stupid bitches and I turn into rapper Big Sean singing ‘I Don’t Fuck With Youuuu!!” word for word hahaha… aaaand then I start missing them again. I feel guilty because I should be grateful for the people that do care about me and don’t get me wrong I AM extremely grateful, but I find it so easy to ignore a text message from someone that is clearly interested in being a part of my life while at the same time finding it so hard to let go of people that want nothing to do with me. It’s fucked up. I’m fucked up, and I’m a massive fucking hypocrite.

You accept the love you think you deserve. I don’t know if it’s just a case of wanting what you can’t have or what but it’s a messed up situation that leads to a serious amount of unhappiness. It could be my disorder fucking me up again like “I hate you, don’t leave me” and maybe a part of it is to do with my BPD but I’m not sure all of it is because my friend has nothing wrong with her and she’s feeling the same way as me. I would love nothing more than to forget the people that have done me wrong and not let them entertain my thoughts and DEFINITELY not miss them but unfortunately for some fucked up reason I’m not in that place at the moment but I hope someday I will learn how to let people go and completely forget them. That will be the day.. I can give advice and actually believe in it and trust that it works..because how can I tell someone to leave a painful situation when I can’t even do it myself 😔

When you love someone, even if there are a million reasons to leave, you still look for that one reason to stay.

IMG_6130.PNG

I guess we all just want to be loved. The fear that we will never find love with someone else causes us to hold on to what’s left with someone even if it’s destroying you and you know in your heart that you should leave. Question is, are you strong enough to save yourself?

I’m not at the moment, but I will be. I promise myself I will never be in this position again. I need to learn to love myself enough to let go of things that aren’t good for me, and never EVER look fucking back.

This song is one of my favourite songs in the whole world and it completely explains how I feel, word for word.

If you can relate to what I’m saying I hope you are strong enough too.

Laters x

Just a Friend

There’s four words I hate to hear from a girl and no surprisingly enough its not “Is it in yet?” no, the four words I hate are “He’s just a friend”. Yeah fucking right. Nine times out of ten that is not the case. Yeah for some girls they do have guys in their life that are unfortunately (for them) stuck in the friend zone and you know they will never climb out so you’re not worried about those guys, you’re worried about the ones that are just like you. Guys know guys, and we know the way we think. I mean, if I was texting a girl and she had a lad already I’d feel sorry him. Clearly your girls not loyal if shes in my inbox and no.. I’m not looking to be her ‘friend’. So he should be worried, because as soon as he screws up shes going to be all over me, for revenge, to make him jealous, to get over him.. who the fuck cares?!

I’m still getting laid.

That’s all well and good when you’re on that side of the story but when YOU have a girl that you love and she’s texting lads that she claims are ‘just friends’ you dump that motherfucker. Before you get hurt. You know what will happen, you’ll have a fight, she’ll cry on their shoulder and boom you lost her to this “so called mate”. Problem is, she shouldn’t be doing that in the first place. If shes loyal to you she won’t text anybody she knows you don’t like, and you’ll do the same for her. You don’t have to be possessive about it though and be like ‘Only lad in your inbox must be your dad’ cause that’s kinda crazy but just a few ground rules about the type of lads you know are waiting to jump the minute something goes wrong. If she loves you she’ll have no problem doing that, if she puts up a fight or refuses, I repeat, dump that motherfucker and move on because that ship is sinking anyway. You don’t need that bullshit in your life.

I will always believe in the saying ‘bitches be crazy’ because yeah..they are. You can go off on one about your girl texting other lads and you can have a head wrecking fight about how they mean ‘nothing‘ ..’we barely talk‘ ..’he doesn’t even like me‘ and all the rest of that bullshit and then next minute she can turn around and be like ‘who’s this bitch liking your picture?’ ‘Why don’t you go and text her?’ ‘I’m sure she’s much better at that’ and if you dare try say ‘she’s just a friend’ well.. you have some balls man. See, its one way for women and its another way for men. Women go on and on about how lads are such assholes and they’re all the same, well women are just as bad, and sometimes worse. You can’t win with a woman, just to get her to shut up you say sorry even when you know in your heart you are right. You could have a ground breaking argument backed up with facts and fucking figures and you will still be wrong and its important to understand that ASAP. Cherish the day she ever admits she is wrong and apologises to YOU because this is not natural for women honestly hahaha. It’s okay though because the way I think of it is, when you’re in love with her, it’s better to lose the fight than to lose her, and that makes me feel better…and also secretly knowing you were right obviously 🙂

I’m not hating on women, because god knows I love girls and men have their own flaws but some things just have to be said. For the record, just to get it out there, if a girl doesn’t act in the slightest bit jealous then I’d get very worried if I were you because its obvious she doesn’t really give a fuck about you. Jealousy means you care and I believe its a good thing for the most part. If she’s still getting jealous over who’s liking your pictures and worrying about your attention going elsewhere, then you know she still loves you, and if you are a decent man and YOU love HER you will relieve her of her worry and make sure she knows she is the only one for you. If she’s not jealous you’ve already lost her, and you know that. Same way as if you think about her texting or being with another man, and if it doesn’t feel like a knife going through your heart then you no longer love her. And of course I think the first sign that you should start to worry is when you find out they are texting someone who is ‘just a friend’. I’ve been wise to this phrase for a long time because in all of my past experience when you and your girl break up, 90% of the time BOOM she’s with this friend, it’s the same shit, different day.

In the defence of women, and clearly I’m all about equality ;).. Yes, ladies, there ARE times when the man is just a fuck up and it’s not your fault for straying and talking to someone who you think is better suited. That’s natural, I’m not telling you to stay with the ‘fuck up’ but just don’t lead them on, it’s over when you start thinking about leaving, so do it there and then and be free to talk to who you want. That way, there is a minimal amount of pain and the dude doesn’t think you’re a slut. Works both ways, end things with the girl before pursuing someone else so the girl you once loved doesn’t think you’re a player. I hate when things end badly and unfortunately it happens a lot but it doesn’t need to. In my opinion it’s all about respect, if you respect the person you love you wouldn’t be texting other people that you KNOW are probably interested in you. Don’t lie to them or yourself by saying it means “nothing”. It’s not fair to anyone. Even if you don’t love them anymore respect them enough to end it in the nicest possible way.

Now anyways, I’m not an expert and there might be some rare cases out there that are genuine friends and not looking for anything more, but boys will be boys and unless they’re gay or severely stuck in the friendzone due to being mad ugly or some other defect then you can’t really be sure. All I know is, when a girl has said to me ‘hes just a friend’ its never meant that. Likewise when I tell a girl ‘she’s just a friend’, I know we could be more than friends if I wanted it.

Next time I hear those words come out of a girl I like’s mouth she’s getting dropped like a hot potato. No time for that anymore, I’m 22 for gods sake hahah.. Loyalty and honesty are such attractive traits, and if you have a hint of crazy, then chances are, I’m probably already in love with you. Soz

Laters 🙂