Lights Out

Insomnia starts creeping back in
3am..4am..5
Waves of pressure mount on your shoulders
Drowning in disappointment
Your mind is a prison cell
A lifetime without parole
Old friends rear their ugly head
Weed and alcohol offer the escape
You feel yourself falling under
You feel yourself getting weaker
You feel them getting stronger
The battle each day gets harder and harder

Alone in the way you think
Alone in the way you do things
Alone in the way you feel

The world is cruel
That much is true
It’s been a good show
Now feeling this low you know
That all good things come to an end
No way to to heal, no way to mend,
It’s a permanent mental battle that you know you’re going to lose
From the rattle to the grave
Is there any way of being saved?
Your brains scarred
It will never be the same again..
Your destiny is to feel this beautiful kind of pain

Being alone is dangerous.
Being alone with your thoughts is worse.

The sun rises across the sky, looking beautiful looking hopeful .. But just like your soul..how long does it take to turn dark again? For the lights to go out?

Sunrise In Dublin on 23rd November 2015 at 8am.

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Peace

Well May 17th is coming to an end which means my deadline is here and my journey of 18 days is over. I’ve made my decision and my plans for tomorrow and I’m happy with it. My mind is clear as crystal and all of the stress that’s built up on me the last while has been lifted off my shoulders.

The past 18 days have been extremely eventful and I’m glad that I was super busy and did the things I always wanted to do. I’ve gotten a lot of advice and inspiration from a load of people the past few weeks including my best mates and my family and I can’t explain enough how much every word meant to me. Kindness is never forgotten and I will never forget how much you all did for me.

My mood and thoughts certainly changed numerous times over the last few weeks. Right now though I feel as though I am in a better place than I was on the 1st of May. I have peace of mind for just about everything in my life.

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I started blogging nearly a year ago and from reading my past blogs I can see how much I’ve changed myself and how much I’ve stayed the same. With regard to love, well I think that was a game I was always going to lose. It’s the most amazing and dangerous thing in the whole world, and I’m sure the feeling is indescribable when you find the right person but unfortunately that hasn’t happened. With family, I love them like nothing else on this planet and the only girl that has a lasting place in my heart is my nana. My dad is my hero and he is the bravest and strongest man I know. My little bro is going to be a better man than I’ll ever be. I love both of my brothers, equally. My music has been my best friend since the beginning of my life it’s been there at the best of times and the worst of times and it’s definitely pulled me through some painful situations.

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I still stand by everything I said in each blog and I’m proud of myself for being able to finally express myself in a way I actually found easy after not being able to do it for so many years. I’m so glad I started blogging because it’s a great outlet to get your thoughts off your chest when there’s no one else to turn to and even better when people relate.

This will be my last ‘thought’ for a while. I’m going away and I won’t be blogging, thanks for reading this and if you read my other ones thank you again. Hopefully some helped or made you laugh or even made you feel like you weren’t alone because you felt the same as me, if any of those things happened I’d be seriously delighted.

Better stop rambling, Happy May 18th everyone. Have a fantastic summer and be safe and be happy 😊

PEACE xxx