25th Feb 2017

I have a drug fuelled mind 

Focused on the next hit 

The next quick fucking fix 

Shattered and broken 

There are no words that can be spoken 

Rose tinted glasses don’t see the dark in me

Love makes you blind don’t question me

Chemical imbalance causing depression 

Come down off drugs causing aggression

Not the next best thing but the worst thing possible 

Becoming what you hate 

Ruining the perfect date because I’m way too late 

On realising what I’ve done and what I’ve become 

Trying to save grace, save face 

Unpredictable..uncontrollable..unlovable 

Unsolvable problems so you say fuck them

Strung out on compliments ignore the bullshit confidence 

Taking everything to heart is not the way to start 

Being a better guy 

If I could be that guy instead of me I’d never let you down 

Too tired to sleep 

Too weak to eat 

One light in all of my shadows, Jodie 

Making sacrifices to stop you hate-in me

Angels and demons 

When I see men, that are good

I don’t associate, I don’t relate 

I’m filled with hate

Constant drowning in a pool of my own tears 

My own fears 

Torturous emotional rollercoaster 

Always trying to shit-stir

Everyday I make mistakes 

Risking everything at stake

No ones fault by own 

Have to be alone 

Hole in my heart 

Today marks the start. 

I’m 24 today, and I’ve decided not to celebrate that fact because I don’t deserve to. The only significance this day has to me is that it marks the day I’m going to be a better man. I’m not superficial, I’m not materialistic I just want to be a good person. 

Stronger and Safer in my own mind.

I’m sorry

Dean 

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