Constant Thought



New Direction

The title of this blog is an absolute piss take because as you all know good ole Zayn has left One Direction and I’m sorta/kinda in a band, which is a brand new thing for me so I thought the title was a good fit hahaha

Anyways, I’m not sure if we can be called a band yet and my 14 year old knacker/spicer self would absolutely rip it out of me for even thinking of being in a band, but how and ever it might be on the cards for me. 14 year old Dean was an idiot anyway and I like to think I’ve grown a few more brain cells since my mullet styling and diamond earring wearing days (please god).

This all came about when I was watching the film Whiplash during the week and I got serious cravings to get back playing the drums. I used to play now and again when I was 18,19 and sort of let it die, I never lost interest I just focused on other things like drink drugs and girls (good one Dean). Now that I’m staying away from all of those things I think its a good time to get back playing. So I rang an old mate up who was shocked enough to hear from me but nevertheless wanted to catch up which was happy days. This chap is a massive music head and he plays a bit of every instrument but he’s mainly all about the guitar. He has a drum kit set up in his gaff so he gave me a shot of that and to be honest I was fairly rusty. I’ve been practicing during the week though and the rhythm is slowly coming back to me ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s a great laugh and its good to take my mind off things. Jamie (the music head) has a few mates that are the same as him and he jams with them all the time so who knows a band could form haha definitely won’t be called new direction though, but it is a new direction for me at least. Obviously were not taking it seriously like half of us have full time jobs its just good craic and they’re a great group of lads that I haven’t talked to in ages so its nice catching up on the last few years.

So that’s it, my life has definitely changed in the last while, I’ve stayed off the drink & drugs despite there being two of my mates birthdays this week, I’ve gone to the gym and a few walks and even done some reading. I much prefer writing to reading but I’ll try my best to keep it up, I’ve gone to all of my counselling sessions and most importantly.. I’m happy ๐Ÿ™‚ My head is healthy and clear and at the moment I’m just having a good laugh with a new mix of people. So maybe my 14 year old self wouldn’t be too embarrassed of me after all …

Laters !! ๐Ÿ™‚

Notches Beat Scars

Put your hands up if you think sex is better than love? Anybody? Just me? Yeah right!

I have decided at my lovely age of 22 that yeah, sex IS better than love. A lot better. I’ve been in love and I’ve been in a woman and the second one just has to top it every fucking time haha you wanna know why? Because never once have I been hurt by sex (that I didn’t enjoy, that is) and the amount of times I’ve been hurt by love? I’m not even going to say. Yeah sex WITH love is what everybody wants but then you just run the risk of getting your heart broken so I’m not into that anymore.

I’m enjoying myself at the moment and my new thinking is notches on the bedpost is better than scars on your wrists or heart. That got deep fast didn’t it?! Hahaha

Anyways, you might think I’m an asshole for writing this and that’s cool but I’ve got a few reasons. I’m not saying I’m going to use girls for sex and then fuck off I’m still a nice guy deep down but I’m just not interested in the love part anymore.

I fall in love quite easily because of the way I am but I don’t fall out of it easily. From my past experiences it’s left me depressed with a few scars on the old wrists and wot not when things got really bad and I feel an empty hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be, I’m scarred emotionally and physically from this great thing called ‘Love’ and I just figured better to scar my bedpost instead haha. I’m not interested in getting hurt again, and this is a good way to avoid that I think ๐Ÿ˜Š

Fuck it I’m young and good looking, both of those things will change soon enough so better use them while I can… No strings attached, my heart stays in tact… Perfect ๐Ÿ˜Š I might have to build a new bedpost in fairness though ๐Ÿ˜ฎ hahaha..

Anyone who’s reading this and doesn’t agree with me.. Sorry but.. You’re not doing it right mate haha…

Goooood Luck ๐Ÿ˜‰

Kindness Taken For Weakness

I think one of the biggest mistakes you can make in your life is to let your happiness depend on someone else. You should never depend on someone else for such a big thing because they may not always come through, they could fuck you over and take your happiness with them and there’s no reason for me not to believe that there’s always that chance. I’ve depended on people that have made me happy because I thought they would always be there for me and you never think people that “love you” are going to hurt you but they too have fucked me over and then sadly you’re left in a depressing hole that’s hard to climb out of.

I think I’m too trusting of the wrong type of people but it’s very hard to know when a lot of people have many different faces and encourage you to trust them. I’m no saint and I have hurt people in my life but I would never do some of the things that have been done to me. Getting fucked over can make you cold, and I think it’s really sad to say never trust anyone but I think that’s probably the only way. When you trust someone you give them the chance to ruin that and make you regret ever knowing them and it’s hard to get over that shit when that happens.

I’m not saying everyone’s going to hurt you but don’t even give them the chance. It’s not worth it. At this stage I don’t think love is even worth it. Love doesn’t work and when it all breaks down the aftermath is bad enough to make you never want it again. For me anyway. Don’t expect someone to always be there, don’t expect them to stick to their word or what they make you believe because one day you can wake up and discover that’s not the case at all. They’ll fuck you over with no explanation and you’ll be wishing you’d known that this was going to happen, well here you go, listen to me because there’s a good chance it will.

The only person you should depend on for happiness is yourself because you’re never going to fuck yourself over or turn on yourself, do not put it into someone else’s hands, it’s too risky.

I know I said I wouldn’t write depressing blogs but this is just some advice, I’m still happy I just have a new perspective on life and I’ve got a new way of living it. Anyways… take my advice or don’t but I’ll certainly be living by it.


New Year .. In March

How’s it going lads? Well it’s going great for me haha. It seems appropriate for me to post this today seeing as it is international day of happiness across the world so here it goes ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€

The title says it all to be honest, I’m starting my new year again cause I started it badly a few months back so I’m starting all over again in March ๐Ÿ™‚ don’t know if that’s in the rules of life or anything but I make and break the rules so there you go ๐Ÿ™‚

The reason for this is I had a couple of set backs over the past few months but I’m not dumb enough to let that happen again, not in a million years. So I’m starting down a new path and to be completely honest I’m as happy as that chap Larry ๐Ÿ™‚ I love reading people’s blogs myself and some are sad and then you come across ones that positive and happy and I’m just like good for you! So that’s kinda why I’m writing this cause feels like all I ever put on here is depressing shit (soz)

I’m done with all that, what a waste of time like, I’ve spent so much of my life being unhappy and going through hard times that I need to even out that ratio and start being happy and have GREAT times. ๐Ÿ™‚

First of, I’ve a new job lined up so I won’t be a carpenter anymore, it’s been good craic the past few years and I’ll probably go back to it in the future but for now I want to try new things and I’m so lucky to have the opportunity so I hope it all works out ๐Ÿ™‚

Next I’m moving to a new location with some friends which will be deadly because I’m sick of my area and I really need a change.

I’m also off the drink and drugs and swapping them for books and the gym. Many people think I’m as thick as two bricks and they might be right but that won’t be the case soon enough and I’ll be the last one laughing ๐Ÿ™‚

Waking up with hangovers all the time or skaggin is just not doing it for me anymore surprisingly enough haha..I want to be fresh, healthy and smart.

I’m also planning to spend my summer abroad, travelling and working and with the weather getting better and days going by faster I’m getting more and more excited ๐Ÿ™‚

On the love front..I feel like a teenager again playing the field and I’m not as bad as I was when I was 16 but it’s still a bit of fun and nothing too serious which is exactly what I need right now ๐Ÿ™‚ so it’s all goooooood!

Anyways that’s basically my plans for the year, it’s been a tough old road with family shit and I’ve had my heart broken more than enough times but I can finally say that I’m in a really good place now with great people surrounding me and I won’t let anything or anyone hold me back from being happy, hopefully you don’t see any more depressing blogs from me! (fingers crossed)

And I hope that whoever you are reading this, if you’ve had a tough time recently that things start looking up for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Laters ! ๐ŸŒž

Just a Friend

There’s four words I hate to hear from a girl and no surprisingly enough its not “Is it in yet?” no, the four words I hate are “He’s just a friend”. Yeah fucking right. Nine times out of ten that is not the case. Yeah for some girls they do have guys in their life that are unfortunately (for them)ย stuck in the friend zone and you know they will never climb out so you’re not worried aboutย thoseย guys, you’re worried about the ones that are just like you. Guys know guys, and we know the way we think. I mean, if I was texting a girl and she had a lad already I’d feel sorry him. Clearly your girls not loyal if shes in my inbox and no.. I’m not looking to be her ‘friend’. So he should be worried, because as soon as he screws up shes going to be all over me, for revenge, to make him jealous, to get over him.. who the fuck cares?!

I’m still getting laid.

That’s all well and good when you’re onย that side of the story but when YOU have a girl that you love and she’s texting lads that she claims are ‘just friends’ you dump that motherfucker. Before you get hurt. You know what will happen, you’ll have a fight, she’ll cry on their shoulder and boom you lost her to this “so called mate”. Problem is, she shouldn’t be doing that in the first place. If shes loyal to you she won’t text anybody she knows you don’t like, and you’ll do the same for her. You don’t have to be possessive about it though and be like ‘Only lad in your inbox must be your dad’ cause that’s kinda crazy but just a few ground rules about the type of lads you know are waiting to jump the minute something goes wrong. If she loves you she’ll have no problem doing that, if she puts up a fight or refuses, I repeat,ย dump that motherfucker and move on because that ship is sinking anyway. You don’t need that bullshit in your life.

I will always believe in the saying ‘bitches be crazy’ because yeah..they are. You can go off on one about your girl texting other lads and you can have a head wrecking fight about how they mean ‘nothing‘ ..’we barely talk‘ ..’he doesn’t even like me‘ and all the rest of that bullshit and then next minute she can turn around and be like ‘who’s this bitch liking your picture?’ ‘Why don’t you go and textย her?’ย ‘I’m sureย she’sย much better at that’ and if you dare try say ‘she’sย just a friend’ well.. you have some balls man. See, its one way for women and its another way for men. Women go on and on about how lads are such assholes and they’re all the same, well women are just as bad, and sometimes worse. You can’t win with a woman, just to get her to shut up you say sorry even when you know in your heart you are right. You could have a ground breaking argument backed up with facts and fucking figures and you will still be wrong and its important to understand that ASAP. Cherish the day she ever admits she is wrong and apologises to YOU because this is not natural for women honestly hahaha. It’s okay though because the way I think of it is, when you’re in love with her, it’s better to lose the fight than to lose her, and that makes me feel better…and also secretly knowing you were right obviously ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m not hating on women, because god knows I love girls and men have their own flaws but some things just have to be said. For the record, just to get it out there, if a girl doesn’t act in the slightest bit jealous then I’d get very worried if I were you because its obvious she doesn’t really give a fuck about you. Jealousy means you care and I believe its a good thing for the most part. If she’s still getting jealous over who’s liking your pictures and worrying about your attention going elsewhere, then you know she still loves you, and if you are a decent man and YOU love HER you will relieve her of her worry and make sure she knows she is the only one for you. If she’s not jealous you’ve already lost her, and you know that. Same way as if you think about her texting or being with another man, and if it doesn’t feel like a knife going through your heart then you no longer love her. And of course I think the first sign that you should start to worry is when you find out they are texting someone who is ‘just a friend’. I’ve been wise to this phrase for a long time because in all of my past experience when you and your girl break up, 90% of the time BOOM she’s with thisย friend, it’s the same shit, different day.

In the defence of women, and clearly I’m all about equality ;).. Yes, ladies, there ARE times when the man is just a fuck up and it’s not your fault for straying and talking to someone who you think is better suited. That’s natural, I’m not telling you to stay with the ‘fuck up’ but just don’t lead them on, it’s over when you start thinking about leaving, so do it there and then and be free to talk to who you want. That way, there is a minimal amount of pain and the dude doesn’t think you’re a slut. Works both ways, end things with the girl before pursuing someone else so the girl you once loved doesn’t think you’re a player. I hate when things end badly and unfortunately it happens a lot but it doesn’t need to. In my opinion it’s all about respect, if you respect the person you love you wouldn’t be texting other people that you KNOW are probably interested in you. Don’t lie to them or yourself by saying it means “nothing”. It’s not fair to anyone. Even if you don’t love them anymore respect them enough to end it in the nicest possible way.

Now anyways, I’m not an expert and there might be some rare cases out there that are genuine friends and not looking for anything more, but boys will be boys and unless they’re gay or severely stuck in the friendzone due to being mad ugly or some other defect then you can’t really be sure. All I know is, when a girl has said to me ‘hes just a friend’ its never meant that. Likewise when I tell a girl ‘she’s just a friend’, I know we could be more than friends if I wanted it.

Next time I hear those words come out of a girl I like’s mouth she’s getting dropped like a hot potato. No time for that anymore, I’m 22 for gods sake hahah.. Loyalty and honesty are such attractive traits, and if you have a hint of crazy, then chances are, I’m probably already in love with you. Soz

Laters ๐Ÿ™‚

Middle Finger

What’s up? Just want to say that in life no matter how hard you try or how nice you are there will always be people that don’t care..and will take you for granted and treat you like shit, luckily the decent people out there won’t!.. because they have a heart but unfortunately there are some people out there seriously lacking in that department and general human decency and these people deserve the middle finger. Nothing more nothing less. Basically just means I’m not down with that sort of thing and that’s all I have to say to you so please go fuck yourself ๐Ÿ™‚ it’s appropriate for a few people I know that are thankfully no longer darkening my life.


But other than that life is good love is good health is good, can’t complain. So a big thumbs up for that ๐Ÿ‘ and I’m very grateful for everything I have ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m pretty happy and even happier now that’s off my chest and don’t worry it’s not your fault that some people are just genuinely horrible people, that’s their loss and their problem you just do you and make sure you never treat people the same way. Always treat people the way you would like to be treated! Most important thing.

Don’t let people walk all over you, if they do, give them the finger and walk away, and hopefully you’ll be just as happy as me ๐Ÿ™‚


Good luck !