I believe that one of the worst things you can go through is the feeling of being powerless. It is such a horrible feeling and one of the most frustrating things in the world.
At the moment I’m feeling this way quite a lot. In my life I usually like to be in control and Im certainly not afraid to take charge but when you have no say in the situation it’s really hard to deal with and I’m struggling. It drives me crazy to be honest.
When there’s something/someone on your mind constantly it can be a good or bad thing. It’s a bad thing for me right now because I’d rather not always have the thoughts that I have every second of every day but I’m powerless against it, distractions work for a short while but it’s still always there in the back of your mind. I wish I could just switch it off, someone should invent that, a device that let’s you choose your thoughts, or turn them off altogether, they’d make millions.
When you are in love with someone but can’t do anything about it, it’s pretty fucking shitty. They might love someone else, or they just might not want you. Whatever the reason is..just knowing you have all that love inside you for absolutely nothing kind of destroys a part of you, it makes you not want to feel that way ever again, but you’re powerless to stop it and I really don’t know if the feeling will ever truly go away.
When something bad happens to someone you deeply care about, and the solution is not in your hands..you feel so fucking useless and it tears you up inside. You would give your whole life just to help them but it means nothing because nothing can save them anymore, it’s too late.
When the past keeps you awake at night even when you have to be up for work at 7am you feel powerless 😦 you lie there thinking if only your body and mind would relax for long enough to get a few hours kip. You’ve no control over your past anymore but it can still haunt you every day 😦
Not being able to control your thoughts and feelings is torture but not being able to help someone who desperately needs it is even worse. I would do anything to have it any other way and to not feel so fucking powerless against the bad odds all the time but that’s just not going to happen. Maybe one day the tables will turn and abit of luck might get thrown my way .. And the heavy weight that I feel on my shoulders will shift and fade away..
But until then it’s in someone else’s hands.